Checkpoint Light of my life
by Lucey
Summary: COMPLETE After what happened with Darla and Drusilla Angel needs to find confidence again, who can offer him comfort?


By: Lucey

E-mail: **littlelucey@web.de**

Disclaimer: they are not mine

Timeline: After "Blood Money" (AtS) and at the end of "Checkpoint" (BtVS)

Rating: PG-13 I guess

Pairing: B/A of course

Distribution: if you want it, tell me

Synopsis: I altered the end of "Checkpoint" and made it a bit B/A-friendlier, also to give a better reason why Angel regains his sanity after the whole Darla-mess

Note: Lyrics are from Joe Brooks (from the Columbia Pictures Release "You light up my life")

Feedback: pretty please :o)

Dedication: To Netti, we discussed the whole mess over and over and I think you´ll like my version of the story *g* , denial forever!!, and to Miri for keeping me sane during the semester *bighug*

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Checkpoint (Light of my life)

Angel frowned as he entered the lobby of the Hyperion. It had been the hell of a fight, indeed. But even the knowledge that he had won the fight refused to calm him down or even fill him with joy. Yes, he had won the fight. This fight. But was it important?

Slowly he passed the hall and sank down on one of the large sofas. Nobody had been sitting here for weeks. Slowly he stretched out his legs, wincing as the pain shot through him again. He felt terribly beaten up, which in fact he was. His whole body was covered with smaller or larger bruises. Maybe it was not so bad that he couldn´t see himself in the mirror.

But the emptiness inside him felt even worse than the bruises that covered his body**.** The dark and still growing emptiness inside of him. Silencenever bothered him. But this inner silence was worse. He had alwayshad feelings: love or hate and everything in between, but since he had seen his sire and his childeburning**,** every feeling was gone. He had been angry. He had been furious. He had set them on fire and something inside of him hadenjoyed it. Knowing that it was right. Right? What was right? He pushed the thought away.

At least the girl had her money. She really needed it. She was fightingher fight. The good fight. In her own way she wouldn´t give up and she would win. Anne. 

A name somehow familiar to him. Anne. His thoughts drifted away.

Buffy Anne Summers. He smiled slightly as he remembered the evening she had told him her second name. She didn´t exactly like it. But during her time in L.A. she had used it, he remembered.

Buffy. She had always been his light. His guidance, even if she wasn´t around. With her on his mind Angel knew that it was worth fighting. Fighting the good fight. Knowing what was right. The Christmas Eve when they weresitting on the hill and she had tried to convince him that he had a purpose. That he had to fight, even if it hurt. That he belonged in this world. And that she loved him.

She had always been full of light. He felt stronger every time she entered theroom. The special way her aura filled the space around her had encouraged him. Hoping that one day he would be able to be like her. A warrior for the good fight. She had always been his guidance.He had always needed her and thinking of her made him wince once again.

She wasn´t with him anymore. He had no guidance and he had lost his way. He was no longer fighting the good fight. And he needed her like no one else.

Without really noticing it Angel found himself on the road, heading for Sunnydale. He remembered the last time he came to her town, realized that again he hadn´t called. But he wouldn´t stay long or talk to her. He just needed to seethat she was ok, fighting her fight. Hoping, that if he saw her, he would remember his reason to fight.Be stronger. Find his way again.

He didn´t know where to find her, but he would. As soon as he passed the "Sunnydale"-Sign he started to reach out for her. Knowing that he still could sense her. He followed his instincts as his vampiresenses kicked in and his nerves started to tingle.

His car came to halt in front of the Magic Box. And then he saw her, entering the shop with a sword in her hand. Carefully he left the car and followed her. Looking through the window he realized that the room was full of people. Giles looked worried but sighed with relief whenhe faced Buffy. The Gang was sitting on a balcony, carefully watching what was going on. Even Xander kept his mouth closed. And Riley was nowhere to be seen Angelrealized with a bit of satisfaction.

He didn´t know the other people but he disliked them instantly. They seemed British? the old man had to be the leader. What did they want from her? 

Then his eyes came to lay on her. He drank her sight in. She was even more beautiful than the last time he saw her. But she looked tired and worried. She was skinny and she had fought recently. But still she was glowing with energy. And she seemed upset, glaring at the older man.

As she started to talk Angel unconsciously stepped closer. He was captured by her words. She went on and on. Angry. But she knew what she wanted. And she was right. She talked about her fight and she seemed to grow stronger and more confident with every word. That was his girl, Angel thought. The Buffy he knew, the Buffy he needed. Her words impressed him deeply and suddenly he felt confidence coming back to him. 

Her fight was his fight. He had to be strong and find his way back. Find his friends and apologize. He was meant to be human someday,and watching and hearing Buffy talk somehow gave life back to him. Her energy spread within him like it had done years ago, giving him power and confidence. Part of the emptiness simply went away.

Suddenly he realized that she was talking to the Watcher´s Council. He felt anger welling up in him as well, remembering what they did to her on her 18th Birthday. What they did to her when Faithtook over her body. And remembering what she had to do when they had refused to help him. She went to kill Faith to save him and because she had failed she had given her own blood to cure him. Risking her life again and again.

But now she was in charge. The Council needed her. They had to help her. And she knew it. Slightly a proud smile crept up his mouth. It was time she got her chance. To express her anger. And in old Buffy-Fashion she made notry to hold back. That was his Buffy.

Being lost in thesight of her, enjoying his new confidence Angel suddenly realized that Buffy had discovered him. She stared at him, first in wonder and confusion but then a warm smile spread upon her lips. Her eyes seemed to sparkle and he was unable to refuse her. Of course she must have sensed him.

Buffy felt like she was melting under his gaze. His face looked terribly bruised, he looked tired, but his eyes were shining with love, like they always were when they met hers. Suddenly her weariness, her lack of sleep and her worries were forgotten, as long as she could look into this brown, loving eyes. She had suddenly sensed him, once she was finished with Quentin, who had been willing to let him die. All the nights were she had longed for him to come, come and hold her. Kiss her. Help her fighting. Help her deal with Dawn, her mom, slayer duties. She was alive and she could handle the fighting but she felt lonely. Lonely and empty without him. Slowly she walked towards him.

Angel stepped closer, feeling the doorknob in his hand. Without losing eye-contact he entered the room. Ignoring the surprised comments of the others both stepped closer to one another, slightly smiling, drinking the other in with their eyes. All their love and feelings opened up between them. Only one step separated them now.

And then Angel couldn´t hold back anymore. He had longed for this moment for so long and being near to her and being able to touch her was too much for him. He pulled her in his arms and captured her mouth with his lips.

She responded instantly, hugging him back, pulling him closer, kissing him back. No more holding back. He was there and she needed him. Now.

Slowly their lips parted, and she carefully teased his tongue with hers. He responded passionately, pulling her even closer. Dueling with their tongues. Drinking another in, needing more. The kiss grew more and more passionate and still it wasn´t close enough. They needed more. They needed to fill the emptiness inside of them. His hands roamed over her back, combing her hair, lifting her up to him, to get more of her. 

She clung to him like she was drowning, grabbing his back, feeling his muscles and his bruises. It felt so good to have him in her arms again. It felt right. She needed him more than anything in the world.She wanted to creep inside his duster, creep inside him just to get closer.His cool mouth warmed under her touch and both slightly moaned. 

He could sense her growing arousal and grew even harder himself. Nobody cared about the other people in the room, they were gone. There was just Buffy and Angel.

Both felt finally home. No more loneliness, no more desperation. Just love. It felt good and it felt so right. Still they couldn´t get enough even if the lack of air started to make Buffy feel dizzy. But she didn´t care, he would hold her, she just feared that she would open her eyes and everything would be a dream. She wanted this moment to last as long as possible. Forever.

Their tongues and lips still claimed familiar territory, sucking, teasing, nibbling while their hands were all over their bodies, unable to get everywhere they longed to be. 

Angel fought hard not to take her, rip her clothes off and make love to her right here, right where they were, finally together, home. He felt her breasts at his chest and pressed her even closer. He wanted her so desperately and still he knew that they wouldn´t, couldn´t have this. 

He moaned and finally broke the kiss, holding his breathless beloved in his arms, looking into her hazel eyes, shining with love, while she was panting, pumping badly needed breath into her lungs, fighting for unneeded breath himself. 

Smiling, sending all his love through this one look he kissed her on the forehead, pulling her to him. She hugged him back, not willing to let go of him for a second.

"Hi.", she whispered softly.

"Hey.", he repeated smiling.

"That was..."

"Intense", she smiled.

Suddenly she broke their gaze, blushing slightly as she became fully aware of the whole situation. Her gaze came back to meet his and he squeezed her to show his assurance. They would have to explain this, he thought.

Their looks crossed the room, searching for reactions. Willow´s head was resting on Tara´s shoulder, both slightly smiling. And as Xander opened his mouth to speak Anya shut it instantly with her hand, somehow understanding that he´d better be quiet. Giles stood a bit absent minded, but also smiling. He simply knew.

But Quentin Travers stood up: "Ms. Summers, Buffy, would you please explain...?"

"Well, you see, he´s still walking the earth, though not exactly alive", Buffy answered smiling, still encircled by strong arms, snuggling closer. 

"And all this although you refused to help.", she spat.

"But this is Angelus.", Quentin still didn´t get it.

"Oh, you didn´t know? See, too far away, I told you.", she mocked.

Angel felt like he had to giggle.

"But how come he´s still...", the lady in the back put forward.

Buffy blushed even deeper and looked back to Angel for help.

"I think that is none of your business.", he instantly helped her. Sometimes it came in handy that he couldn´t blush.

That left the room in silence again.

As they stood at his car, still holding hands Angel tried to overcome the need to cry: "I´m sorry I didn´t call."

"It´s ok, I´m glad you came", she smiled. "And besides you weren´t interfering in my fight, so I guess it´s ok."

"I´m sorry that I kissed you.", he went on hoarsely.

"Don´t be.", she whispered, before she kissed him again. "See?"

Their second kiss was calm, without all the passion and desperation they felt before. It warmed them up and filled them with power, with hope and confidence, with life.Giving them strength for the fights that were to come.

"Thank you.", Angel whispered finally.

"What for?", she asked smiling.

"For saving me. For saving my life tonight. You have no idea what you do to me."

"I think I might."

They shared a last, loving kiss before he started the car and drove away, leaving Sunnydale. Yes, Angel thought. She really saved his life tonight.

[...]And you light up my life.

You give me hope to carry on.

You light up my days

And fill my nights with song.

It can´t be wrong

When it feels so right.

´Cause you-

you light up my life.

The End *sigh*


End file.
